MY FIRST TIME
It was my first time.
Lunch packed and sent off with a kiss, my beloved had left for work allowing me to complete the morning rituals of cleaning up and feeding the dogs and our embattled old cat, Zeekee.
But I knew today would be like no other day, for I was also left to accomplish the task I knew he could not bear to do. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, a time of thanks and gratitude.
Our appointment wasn't until 2 pm so I had time to prepare us all.
Laying on the feather bed they all shared from time to time, it had become a place of solace for her threadbare, nearly skeletal body. She had lost a considerable amount of body fat, and her skin just hung from her frame. She was always cold now, and I had taken to wrapping her in a blanket to keep her warm on cold mornings. They took turns laying with her and licking her head.
Most often she would wait patiently in line to be fed, knowing I took care of her brothers first, watching and waiting, sometimes grabbing a sip from the community water bowl they all shared. The boys gave her a wide berth now as they watched her slowly pander over to the dish, now looking mammoth against her impoverished frame. She drank slowly, as if to savor the taste since this had become the only thing she was able to keep down.
I had wondered how I would transport her to the destination, as she hated riding in the car and didn't like to be handled. A quarter of the size she once was, I thought of putting some bath hand towels in a small plastic tub. Laying it on the couch, it laid there waiting for her for several hours.
Throughout the morning, she systemically walked from room to room, slowly and deliberately, before she made her decision to wash herself in the makeshift bedding.
She was looking for him to say goodbye, and my eyes began to well up at the realization she knew what was to follow.
She jumped right in among the towels, thankful again for the warmth. It was as if she knew the makeshift bed would be a welcome method of travel, since her legs were now wobbley and shakey.
After starting up the car and letting the heat blast throughout the vehicle, I placed her on the passenger seat next. Putting it in gear, I backed up slowly out of the drive so as not to startle her in the sudden shift in direction. Her little head poked between the towels, and she watched me with her tired eyes the entire trip. More than once I had to cover her head gently as if to beckon her to rest, for I couldn't bear to watch her watch me.
Barely two minutes before our arrival, she got a burst of energy and jumped out of the box! It was so surprising I had to pull over to retrieve her from the back seat.
"What is this?" I admonished her gently with a sad smile, and "You'll catch your death......." caught in my throat as I covered her back up.
The greeters solemly ushered us in and my swollen eyes needed no explanation. They knew whey we were there, and had done this many times before.
"This is my first time....." I offered lamely and the one in charge put her arm around me and kissed my cheek.
"You can stay with her as long as you need" she offered and we went to the room with a countertop covered in quilts and bathed in dim lights.
Kneeling down to look face to face, I stroked her back gently as they administered the first injection, the one that would begin to take the pain away. Like a soldier on a battlefield, she crawled slowly on her belly in an attempt to get closer to me so that we could wait together cheek to cheek. My tears fell on her soft fur, and I answered the ringing cell phone that was in my pocket. It was him and he was crying softly, waiting for the inevitable.
The fur on her boney leg was shaved gently, and the second, final injection complete; I kissed her pink nose while stroking her head. As I looked into her eyes one last time, I watched her slowly fade away, until the light in her eyes went out. No more pain and never to be hungry again, I said good bye to our brave warrior feline.
"It's done" I whispered to him and promised to bring her home to him soon.
