FIRST SUNRISE
My sunrises at the Lake have been spectacular thus far, although I slept through the first one. I awoke early before the twilight of the second day, disoriented and and panicked for a split second.
Where am I? Oh yeah, the water ......I thought before fully awakening.
The darkness of the night was giving way to a thin line of greyish pink across the horizon of my immediate vision. I sat up with my knees to my chest, arms wrapped around them, as if bracing myself for the show about to begin, a command performance just for me. I had slept on the sofa wrapped in a quilt, facing the lake and in front of a wall of open windows. I didn't want to miss it again by sleeping in the bed in a room off the side of the house.I was not disappointed.
This was it. This is what I came here for. To see a new day as it opened itself up to me, parading sparkling diamonds on the water, a favorite phrase of a friend of mine.
When I come back to you, it will be as sparkling diamonds on the water, that will be my sign and know it is me.How can one not believe in a God after witnessing such simple beauty?
The sun rose out of the water, a slow and seductive dance with the darkness, rays of light shining between the slats of the dock in front of the little cottage that I will call home for two glorious weeks. I am sitting up straight now, fully aware of the gift I have been given this morning, and every morning for my 49 years.
I have many images stored away in my consciousness, some wonderful, some disturbingly not so wonderful. I keep them all in a secure place, and only take them out when I need reminding of how blessed I am. This image of the sun rising from the water is one of them. Others, not in order of importance come rushing back to me, rising to the top like soap bubbles in a vast basin.
The birth of my first son, now a strong willed, free spirit, beholding to no one. How his young father held him, rocking him back and forth, when he thought I was still asleep from the anesthesia and not catch him in this first act of fatherhood.
The sight of my oldest stepdaughter, seeing her for the first time at 23 years old and being reunited with her father after being separated from him for ten years, both their faces wet with tears.
My second son, going off to boot camp, leaving home as a questioning young man, excited and afraid. Then, returning home on leave a questioning and confident young man.
The way the sun shone on mounds of new fallen snow, surrouding the perimeter of my city house, muffling the sounds of the street, the noise of beginning another busy day. The awful day of quiet when I had to leave that beautiful house and the memories it held.
My father, the last time I saw him before emphaseyma took him, still cracking jokes and asking me when I was going to get "a real job." He always thought I should have been a nurse. I have always been a nurse, Daddy, more than you know.
For the sight of my baby girl, twenty years old and full of chemo, is more poignant than anyone could have realized, myself included. She is relaxed with her arms crossed over her chest as she and her brother, my youngest boy, slowly row out on the lake, and old dinghy their mode of comic relief. She is giving him orders as he slowly rows the oars so that they go in a circle, a repreive from the nausea and mouth sores.
"Are you high, Michael, can't you steer?" and he jokingly yells back to her "The glare from your head is blinding me!" The sunlight and perspiration glistens on her hairless head, a crown she wears confidently and unafraid, as if to say screw you, cancer, you ain't getting me yet.
He is laughing but I know he is crying. She is his "Mare-me", his pet name for her when they were babies, when he couldn't pronounce Mary.
He wants so much to protect her and he knows that he can't. All he can do is make her laugh.
I will remember that vision forever.
The sun has fully risen now, a ball of triumphant goodness in the sky, highlighting the sounds of the lake lapping against the rocky shore.
A new day with yet another new vision. There will be many more to come, I am sure, some great, some not so. I am grateful nonetheless.
I hope that I will always be reminded of the gratitude I feel at this moment, and to not take such opportunities for granted.
They are truly gifts from God.
And as God said it would be, it was good, the end of the first day.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Five years later, they are just as spectacular.
